Damaged
by lattelibrapunk
Summary: They've been friends with benefits for months now, and Toby needs more. Feeling overwhelmed, Happy lashes out and fins herself waking up next to an ex-boyfriend. When she tells Toby what she did, will he find a way to forgive her or is what they have done for good?


**This is dedicated to jaimeekate and a big shout-out of gratitude to her and Ooh a Jellybean for providing me with feedback and urging me to post this! **

Behind the wheel of her truck, Happy's grip on the steering wheel turned her knuckles white as she drove home. Last night's events replayed in her mind, taunting her. Her fight with Toby was stupid, as all their fights were, and her instinct to run probably destroyed whatever fragile arrangement they had. What haunted her most was obvious, she didn't wake up tangled around Toby. The arms she slipped away from that morning belonged to her ex-boyfriend.

She told herself that Toby was nothing more than a friend with benefits. Lies, all of it. He was her best friend in the world and this arrangement she insisted on was another way for her to punish him. Sitting in that restaurant while he overslept their date hurt her in ways she didn't think possible. Happy felt more for Toby than she had for anyone else, but him not showing up only validated her belief that people will only let you down.

While the doc often pushed for more, his apologies frequent and effusive, she easily rebuffed him with a witty remark or distracted him with sex. Until last night that is. Toby wanted more, no, he _needed_ more had been his actual words. They were exclusive even though they weren't official, neither one of them with anyone else. And it terrified her to think how much she relied on Toby and how much she wanted him, and only him.

Happy's reaction was visceral. She got defensive, yelling about how he couldn't control her and that his attempts to manipulate her into something more were disgusting. And then she stormed off, ignoring his pleas to talk with him and work this out. There wasn't so much as a backward glance as she left him in the garage, alone.

Calling Bobby had been a mistake, yet she found his number in her phone and was talking to him within minutes of leaving the garage. Her ex was trouble, but he was fun and they quickly fell into old routines. Agreeing to meet at their old place, one beer turned into several and before she knew it they were back at his place. The front door was barely shut when their clothes started to leave a trail while they found their way to the bedroom.

The sky was still dark when she carefully peeled away from Bobby, anxious to leave before he woke up. Without a sound, she retrieved her clothes from the apartment and slipped out the door, starting her truck and speeding away.

The entire drive back to her apartment, she was numb. All she wanted was a long, hot shower and to wash off the memory of what she had just done. Now this thing between her and Toby had to be severed. There could be no going back from what she had just done.

Once back in the comfort of her apartment, autopilot kicked in and she got ready for work. Still not feeling clean after her shower, she pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a grey tank top, her green field jacket completing the outfit.

Eyeshadow on and her hair pulled into a ponytail, Happy did not like who she saw in the mirror. Inhaling deeply, she sat at the edge of the bed to tie up her boots. When she let out the breath she had been holding, the regret washed over her anew. How was she going to face Toby along with the rest of the team?

All that worry was in vain, the only car outside the garage was Toby's Monte Carlo. Bracing herself for what had to be done, she stepped inside.

* * *

Toby didn't sleep much that night as he thought about the fight with Happy. He wanted to race after her, but past experience told him that she'd come back in the morning and they'd be fine. Well, as fine as it could be when he wanted all of her and she only let him have a piece of her.

He loved the sex and enjoyed how easy it was to be around her, but Toby wore his heart on his sleeve and everyone knew it. Happy Quinn was his everything.

Slightly panicked that he hadn't heard from her all night, he decided to start searching for her. He was on his feet to leave when the door to the garage opened and Happy walked in. The tension released momentarily, concern washing across his features when he saw how she wouldn't look at him. "Where the hell have you been? I was worried sick all night."

She avoided his gaze as she dropped her bag on her workbench and didn't make a move towards him. He knew something was wrong when she didn't meet his eyes.

With distance between them, Happy finally met his eyes. "I slept with Bobby last night." It took all her energy to remain even-keeled as those words passed her lips. Especially when the only thing she wanted to do was throw up.

He froze, her words sinking in, disbelief and anger replacing the worry in his features. "You did what now?"

"You heard me, I thought you should know." Biting her lower lip, she turned around, ready to bolt out the door.

"No," Toby yelled, banging his hands on the table and seeing her jump. "Tell me this isn't true."

"When have I lied to you, doc?" The way she looked at him over her shoulder answered his question, she cheated on him.

"How dare you do this?" he hissed, moving to block her exit by placing himself between her and the door. "What would make you do that?"

"I told you we weren't a good idea."

"There it is," he spat in such an accusatory tone. "You did this deliberately to force my hand into ending this. Nothing else you've done has deterred me but you think this will. That I'll finally leave?"

"Stop psycho-analyzing me, I'm not one of your patients." Happy now squared off with him, a staring contest she hoped she wouldn't win.

"No, you're not," he said, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He looked away and didn't bother to fight back the tears. "You are so much more to me, Happy. When will you finally believe it?"

"I should be nothing to you now. Why do you keep fighting for us to be something we aren't?" She knew if she kept talking she'd lose her composure and would break down.

"No, I refuse to believe that." His determination scared her for the first time she didn't feel like the strong one. "You and I are worth fighting for."

His voice was so gentle and what he said next overwhelmed her. "We both have our damage, but this needs to stop. Let me in so we can both stop hurting."

Happy's facade of indifference crumbled and she started to shake. Closing the gap between them, Toby cupped her chin with one hand and lifted her face up. "I'm not walking away because you're scared. Be all in this relationship with me, Happy," he pleaded. "Be all in for us."

"I overslept that date months ago, something I've allowed you to continually punish me for," he sighed, exasperated by the fact they would always circle back to this. "You wanted casual and I agreed because I want to be with you any way I can. But I did not sign up for standing by while you go out and fuck your skeezy ex."

Happy's defenses started to crack, a tear escaping when she tried to blink them back. Toby was holding her at arm's length, gazing down at her. "I am only forgiving you this once," Toby told her as tears streamed down his face. "The next time you do something like this, I am gone and I won't look back."

Breaking down, she fell into him. "There won't be a next time."

Toby's arms wrapped around her and he buried his face in her hair. He could smell her shampoo and body wash, a fresh pang of hurt piercing him at the realization. She may have showered off the physical evidence, but he would never forget what transpired. "There better not be," he told her. He held her tighter, knowing she chose him and telling himself to forgive Happy without condition.

"I'm so, so sorry. I don't know why I did this to you." She pulled back and looked up, "To us."

"We both know why," he stated, leaning back just enough to see her entire face crumble again. Crying himself, Toby held her as heaving sobs racked her body. "Shh, shh, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Happy felt him press a kiss to the top of her head and she hugged him. "I don't deserve you, doc. Not after this."

"I want to be with you, that's enough." There was such sadness in their eyes yet they were there. "Are you all in this with me, Happy Quinn?" Toby asked, his forehead pressed against hers. "Because I'm already yours in every way and I'd love for you to be all mine."

Looking up at him, a small smile emerged. "All in."

**I'm thinking of writing a follow-up to this and would love to know who's interested in reading how this pans out for them. If you enjoyed reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts, the more detailed the better =)**


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